I got this letter from a fan and thought it was funny. Don’t be offended, I’m not saying I agree, I just thought it was funny. What do you think? -Sunshine
Dear Miss Sunshine,
I have watched your YouTube channel for a few months now. It’s cute. You’re cute. Your mom is cute. You guys have got it going on. But I think it’s a mistake if you decide to try and become a ghost hunter. Here’s 3 reasons why…
Reason #1. Being a ghost hunter takes special skills that not many people have. First and foremost, you have to be an idiot. And not just any kind of an idiot, a very special form of idiot. You have to be totally adverse to the opposite sex. Have you ever met a married ghost hunter? Nope. In fact, have you ever met a ghost hunter after dark in a place where single people traditionally hang out to meet other single people? Nope. You know why? Because they’re usually spending their nights wandering through dark buildings, chasing figments of their imagination… or cooking microwave pizzas and debating the validity of their latest EVP meter purchase on an internet forum filled other people desperately trying to justify their own diversion to the opposite sex by claiming that ghosts are more important than moving out of their mom’s house and and seeing a girl naked in real life. Not that this applies to you. But you certainly don’t want to head down this road now do you?
Reason #2. Being a ghost hunter is basically the equivalent of calling yourself a chef when all you cook is imaginary food. Think about it.
Reason #3. I’m not saying ghosts do exist but if they did, or do, that means they were humans once. In fact, what they are now is basically a human’s soul right? So let me get this straight, the very thing that separates us humans from most other creatures on this planet, the fact that we have a soul, is now the reason we’re being hunted in the middle of the night? And being hunted by lonely twits with no personality and an odd affinity for microwave piazza no less. So much for dignity in death.
There you have it. Three good reasons why you shouldn’t be a ghost hunter. I rest my case. Keep being awesome Sunny! – Ken
P.S. Reason #4. Ghost hunters on average have an I.Q. of 87…. well below average. It’s been proven by science.